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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Intentions

This morning, during yoga, everyone in  class was asked to set an intention. By definition, an intention is "what one intends to do or bring about". For my intention, I chose compassion. Compassion for myself and compassion for others.

Pema Chodron (she is an American Tibertan Buddhist Monk) says "The Buddha taught that we are not actually in control, which is a pretty scary idea. But when you let things be as they are, you will be a much happier more balanced, compassionate person".

Think about that statement. How many things in life do we have control over? Very little, if any.  Stress comes from those things we try to control. But, letting go of them seems to go against human nature. This is why I chose this word. I struggle with letting go. Deep down I want to control how others see me or how others treat me. I let toxic people get the best of me.  But, if I let things go I stop worrying about what someone is going to say or what is going to happen, I can live in the moment and move forward. Knowing that eventually, I will end up where I need to be and doing what I need to be doing. I can't control things, people, or time. 


I intend to work on being compassionate. Toxic people always bring out the worst in me. I can't control their actions, or how they speak to me. But, I am working very hard to control how it effects me. I know I am a very internal person when it comes to feelings and conflict. I bring the bad feelings inside of myself and try to deal with it internally instead of talking about it or letting it go. This never works. Internalizing negative feelings only leaves me feeling worse and leaves the ones around me feeling bad. That only allows the toxic person to succeed in spreading their anger and hate and then their mission is accomplished. Why not just let it go? I can't control what someone says or feels or how they view me. I can only control how I feel and how I deal with the negativity. I am trying to find a balance between taking up for myself and letting things go and so far I'm losing on both sides. So, this morning, I practiced with the intention of showing compassion. Compassion for myself which will lead to compassion for others. I will let things go of things that don't serve me. I will deal with those toxic people only as needed and move forward without internalizing or trying to control the situation.

I will work on compassion for myself inside myself. I will stop comparing myself to others I see and just be happy with where I am. When I think about how far I have come I should be proud of that, not thinking I am not there yet or not as fast or as flexible as others are. This is my life and my journey. I should focus on the now. I am beyond blessed. This week I have been able to run outside with the cold air filling my lungs and my strong legs carrying me forward; that's a blessing. I have rock climbed and shown my two little boys how strong two women can be and how amazing it feels to push yourself physically; that's a blessing. I was able to spend an hour and a half on my yoga mat this morning with a room full of people who were filled the room with the most amazing and non-judgmental energy; that was a blessing. I wake up each day feeling so loved and so appreciated for who I am, not what someone wants me to try to be, that's a blessing. These things I take for granted sometimes. I feel myself being negative about what I was or was not able to accomplish in a certain period of time. Chores I didn't get done, a pace I didn't hit on my run or work that went unfinished at the office. I cannot control everything and all of these are things I need to let go. I need to be happy with what I have done this week and move forward to start a new week with the knowledge I will just let it be.

As the last week ends and we begin a new week with new tasks ahead and new challenges to face, take this phrase with you; let it be. Be compassionate with yourself and others this week, and you will be happier.