Most queer folk know from a young age they are attracted to
the same sex. Not me, I am a bit of an oddity. Even though I hate the term; I consider
myself a late bloomer.

Later on, I dated boys in school. I never really had a lot
of attachment. I dated them for a while and then moved on. This continued from
the beginning of high school until around the end of high school. I did go on
to eventually marry a guy that I met in school; but it was with him I realized
I was attracted to women. Why in the world I would notice this so late in life
is beyond me, but I realized after it was too late. I was married and committed and did what I was
supposed to do. I had already committed myself to someone at the extremely
young age of 18, I hadn’t a clue about who I was. As I started to grow in my
sexual identity and figure myself out; my sexuality was one of those parts that
developed. I remember at the beginning of our marriage he would joke and think
it was awesome that he had a wife who was attracted to women; he had a few
fantasies he was hoping to play out. Sadly for him; the more I realized my
attraction for women the less I was actually attracted to men. Don’t get me
wrong, there are some awesome dudes out there. I have dated some guys and been involved
with some guys who were great. My sexuality isn’t a reflection of you and you
didn’t change me. All of those relationships lacked a connection I needed. My
marriage lacked the connection I needed. It took me a long time to figure that
out.

My struggle and regret is the reason I share my story and my
self-reflection. I know there are late bloomers out there who are trying to
figure themselves out. People who are stuck in a place where they know they don’t
belong. I was there, I have finally came out on the other side. Literally and
figuratively. I can’t help but think it would have been easier to have figured
out my sexuality earlier in life. I envy those who have always known. But, my
journey took me a different path. This path gave me my boys and gave me her. I
ended up where I was supposed to be; I just took a few detours along the way.
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