Coming out is something that happens every time I talk about my wife, or get asked about "my husband" when they see the ring on my finger. Nope, sorry no husband here.
Coming out is just a part of my life. Maybe if I walked around with a rainbow flag I wouldn't have to, but I keep it tucked away until PRIDE, so I just know coming out is something I have to do.
But, as you may recall from past blog posts, the first time I came out was with a bang. Coming out at work was gradual and less dramatic. The anxiety accompanied with the initial big reveal has faded. Nevertheless, I continue to experience coming out over and over again.
I say all of this because yet again, I was in a situation over the weekend where I had to come out.. again. I participated in an event for my graduate degree on campus, which is back in Kentucky. As soon as I found out I had to go and participate in a personal growth group, my nerves went bonkers. Those very nerves made this typically extrovert girl, bury herself in her invisible turtle shell. Why? I dreaded having to come out to my group of cohorts. I was just scared. Scared what would be said. Scared how I would be looked at. Scared for the judgement. I put up my armor. Let me tell you, If you've never worn armor, it's fucking exhausting. But, I could have not said a word. I could have kept my armor up and kept my private life private but I feel like that's wrong. Hiding the fact that I have a wife feels wrong. So, I made the choice, I came out.
How'd it go you wonder? Fine. The build up was worse in my mind of course. There were questions, which makes me happy. There was a little judgement but there is always judgement of some sort; human nature I suppose. But, for the most part it went well. I always feel like when I come out, someone learns something new. Stereotypes are hopefully challenged and maybe someone who hears my story gets something positive out of it.
First question I got, how did my kids handle it.
Usually that's the first question. I don't know why that is, if it's a religious thing. I don't know if people assume there is perversion and madness or if its just an honest to goodness curiosity. No matter the reason, I always answer; my boys are happy.
So, I will continue to come out. I will continue to answer that question and any other over and over again and I will hope that somewhere I am positively affecting someone. I hope at some point I won't have to come out and it will be completely normal. I hope assumptions will exist less and less. But until then, it's well worth the nerves and coming out over and over again to hopefully alleviate biases.
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