In the age of social media, it can be easy to see someone’s life and judge your own based on their highs. To see someone’s highlights but never know there’s a struggle going on leads down a dark path. So, here I am being real. I am not always rainbows and sunshine. Some days, anxiety can be found festering below the surface.
I’m a worry wart.
I stress, often.
I take on more than I can handle.
I want to make everyone happy.
I love hard.
I feel deeply.
I have highs and lows.
I get anxious.
I’m an emotional person.
I know these things about myself.
And, I always hope knowing them is half the battle.
I am a restless soul who rarely slows down. A definite fault of mine. I think because of this, I'm also a person who needs an outlet. Hence, all the running I do. When that slows down or stops, or I take on more than I can handle, shit starts going sideways. I start to feel the ropes that I usually keep sorted and knotted up neatly, pull me in a million different directions.
On bad days, I can still show up and make an effort to treat the world better than it treats me. But, I sometimes have really bad days. I have times when I can’t deal. Those days, I just can’t. Negativity doesn't bounce off so well, it digs its heels in deep. Those are the days where holding my shit together isn’t possible. I become a bit self-destructive. I get so down on myself that I can feel the self-loathing ooze from every pore. Those days, I don't know what else to do but cry. Those days don't happen often, luckily. But, they are the days I need extra; extra time, extra patience and extra love.
But, I'm a work in progress. I have been broken to pieces and glued myself together anew. I'm not who I was, I have grown and changed and am more myself now than I have ever been. So, I forgive myself...
I will think of solutions, not problems.
Today I will not let worry get the best of me.
Today my stress will not control me.
I will breathe,
Because I’m a badass woman.
I am gentle and strong.
I am fire and grace.
I will smile on purpose.
I’ve got this.