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| One of the goofy selfies she gets from me |
Feeling comfortable is being yourself without bounds, without worrying what someone is going to think.
To me, being loved is the ultimate expression of comfort. A real love allows you to be who you are, completely. If you think about it, all day is a struggle to be a version of yourself. To be an employee, to be a friend, to be a parent, to be a million other different things; it's rare to just be yourself. Even at home, until her, I hid who I was. I walked on egg shells and diluted myself for the sake of peace. I had never realized it until I didn't have to do it anymore. Now, I am comfortable. I am me without any filter.
Before her, I hid so deep within myself that I had completely forgotten who I was. I forgot what it was like to be me. That may sound ridiculous but that was where I was at. I never had someone to just ask me about myself. To make me even think about my wants and needs. I never had someone pull the layers away and want to know who I was at my core. I didn't know that's what it was like when someone loves you. All this time, I thought love was a job.
Until recently, I didn't know love was more than just a task on the to-do list. I had spent my adult life just existing. I was with someone for over a decade and they didn't really know who I was. Whether that was my fault; or just what happens over a period of time; or just being in the wrong relationship; I don't know. I'll probably never know. But I do know now, being loved is so much more. Being loved is bearing your soul to someone and trusting they will like what they see. It's taking a chance and showing someone the inner demons and dork that you tuck away from the world.
I didn't even realize how much of a nerd I was until I met her. I had never enjoyed just being completely silly for no reason. Maybe it's happiness, maybe it's because I'm not hiding anymore; I don't know. What I do know is I have found a love that give me with comfort. Complete comfort. I am at ease when I am with her. I feel safe with her and I have found myself again because of her.
