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Saturday, May 13, 2017

Another year on this earth..

This morning I took a run to start out my birthday.

I spent each mile reflecting on how amazing and life changing this year has been. There have been moments of complete stress and turmoil, balanced out with more happy days than I have known in my entire life.

On my run, I thought about the birthdays where I felt completely alone and how different this birthday started out already. I woke up to my oldest son in the kitchen fixing my favorite breakfast and a cup of coffee. I don't think this time last year he would have even thought about doing something like that. He has learned in a years time how to show love to someone. He was so proud and I was so proud of him. The gifts, which I started getting earlier in the week, were exactly what I needed in my life. It may seem like an insignificant thing, but, to know what I say matters meant more than any single material thing I could have got.

As each mile passed, I reflected on having survived a year of drama and hate. I am more than happy to have made it through one of the toughest times in my life. To look at someone who has so much hatred for you is a hard thing to handle. I honestly didn't think I would make it through that tough time. Just being completely unsure of what the divorce would do to the boys was probably one of the hardest things to endure. But now, I realize how amazingly resilient they are and how I can see so much improvement in their quality of life already. They no longer have to comfort their mother when she is crying, they no longer have to stand between the two adults in their life while they scream at one another, they no longer have to feel the hate radiating through their home. Now, I see the small things they do for me around the house to show they care. I see how they have become more confident and loving and it warms my soul. Being raised in a home where objects being thrown and curse words yelled frequently between parents is hopefully a past they won't remember or will easily forget. My worries have been silenced by the actions and behaviors of two little boys who are finally growing up in a home where there is love on a daily basis. A home where kindness is the only language we speak. A home where everyone is loved and respected.

I also reflected on how amazing it feels to be treated like a queen. She makes me feel like everyday is my birthday. I have someone who shares their complete self with me and it is something that will never get old. To just share life with someone, the good and the bad; to look at someone and see the love they have for you and to feel that love makes me so incredibly lucky. I look forward to spending every single birthday with her.

As I get older, another birthday has always been a reminder of getting older. I don't look at it that way, now that I am living the life I want, I look at it as another year to enjoy the people I love and a life I thoroughly enjoy. I know I survived all of the bad in order to really appreciate all of the good and happiness in my life. I am saying goodbye to 31 but not with sadness, I am saying goodbye to year of growth and self discovery and love. I am saying hello to a year of adventure and happiness.

I am so thankful to celebrate another year on this earth.

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