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Friday, September 29, 2017

Misconceptions

Identifying yourself as gay lends itself to so many stereotypes and preconceived ideas. Here are a few misconceptions:


1. All lesbians are butch. There are girly lesbians, it's a thing. I'm absolutely girly; I paint my toenails, occasionally wear skirts and love my femininity. There are gay girls who don't and that's okay. Not all gay girls are the same, just like all straight girls aren't the same. Everyone has their own style and I think butch girls look cool as hell and are confident in themselves and wear what they want. You don't have to look a certain way to love women. Your appearance has nothing to do with your sexuality or who you are attracted to.


5. Just because I am attracted to women, does not mean I am attracted to you. I have honest to goodness been asked this and even had women feel uncomfortable because of this. Attraction goes beyond that, straight people are not attracted to everyone they meet, why would we be?

6.  This is not a phase. I am not going to wake up and change my mind. I am attracted to women. I married a woman. I love women. I love sex with... you guessed it, women. I could ask you, is your straightness is a phase?

7. There is not a "girl" and "guy" in the relationship. Neither of us is a dude or like a dude, that's kind of the appeal to the whole thing.

8. I don't want to know your lesbian fantasy.  I don't want to have a threesome with you; I don't want you to watch me and my wife. Just don't, thank you.

9. I don't know every gay person. Do you think we have a secret club? Do you know every straight white middle aged guy? NO. Dumb question.

10. I don't hate men. Quite the contrary, I have lots of guy friends and usually I get along with dudes better. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have sex or be in a relationship with them. That's all.

11. Stop asking about scissoring. There are lots of ways to have lady sex; buy a book, look it up. Genitals do not have to make contact to have sex.

These are just a few of the misconceptions I have come across. Most of them are just plan ol' ignorance and that's totally okay. But, I think generalizing everyone is never good in any scenario and gay girls are no exception. I think sexuality is one part of who you are. The awesome thing about people is we are all different, that's what makes us interesting. So, don't assume gay girls are going to look a certain way or act a certain way.




Tuesday, September 26, 2017

That's the truth

Another training cycle is done and I am so freaking happy. Today, on my last long training run, I thought about honestly talking to you guys about running and training for races. Like the real truth.

For me, I work best and stay motivated when I set a goal which typically comes in the form of a race. I always try to challenge myself with a distance or course just so I have a reason to push myself beyond my comfort. Otherwise, I get complacent. But, I think as much as I post pictures on social media of amazing views and awesome runs there is another side of it; running is freaking hard. That's the truth.

Deciding on a race is the easy part. Yes, it's scary and takes courage to sign up but that's where the journey begins. The hard part is the months and months before a race. The hard part is researching a plan or creating a plan then sticking with it. A plan takes commitment from yourself to put in the work and commitment from your family and spouses to share their time with the road or trail. It's hard and can be borderline selfish, that's the truth.

Once you put in the miles, check off most of your scheduled runs, it's time to put your training to the test. The second hardest part is making it through the last two weeks before your race. Taper, as it's called in the running world, is the last two to three weeks leading up to the race. Taper is when you slowly decrease miles and rest your body and legs for the big day. Oh my goodness, the mental monsters always take over my brain. My taper is filled with doubt and anxiety, questions of whether I ran far enough or fast enough. The time before a race is when I have a hard time not beating myself down. Not everyone goes through this, but most do. The mental aspect of training is so tough, that's the truth.

When the whole crew joins..
The day of the race is the party. The day of the race is when you celebrate the work you have put in. The hours away from your family or spouse. The days you ran instead of spending time on the couch or doing anything else at all. Race day is the day you give it everything you have. You are a complete bundle of nerves but it's a day you feel like you are the biggest bad ass ever, because you are. That's the truth.

The truth isn't pretty but in life, it rarely is. But, I think not knowing and not being prepared often leads to failure when people decide to do a race. I didn't realize until my first race, how hard and how amazing running could be. Yet still, I sign up race after race knowing what lies ahead. For me, there is nothing like setting a goal and working hard to achieve it. There are always going to be the times when you fall short, it happens. But that doesn't take away from the hard work that you put in. That doesn't mean you should give it all up. The truth is, I think without running I wouldn't have grown as much as I have; see the places I have seen, I wouldn't have met the people I have and I wouldn't be as strong as I am. There are ups and downs and tough runs and fantastic runs but like any relationship, getting through the hard parts only make the amazing parts that much more amazing.

So, what are you waiting for? Sign up for a race, it's an amazing and unforgettable experience, and that is the truth.






Monday, September 25, 2017

From the other-side

Everyone has certain things that make them feel loved and appreciated. I have learned enough about myself to have figured out, I am a woman who needs affection. I crave physical affection.

I want kisses,
I want to hold hands,
I want arms around me,
I want cuddles on a lazy day,
I want to be the little spoon,
I want to catch her looking at me when she thinks I don't see her...

I know these things make me feel loved. I know not everyone can show love this way and not everyone is able to give this kind of love.In the past, I have been pushed away and laughed at for needing these things. Always made to feel needy or wrong for desiring affection. I don't think it's a bad thing to need human contact. I don't think it's a bad thing to yearn to be in someone's arms at the end of a bad day. There is a simple comfort in holding someone's hand or feeling that hand at the small of your back in a crowded room. For me, those things mean everything. For me, affection is a direct reflection on someone's interest. Giving affection and not receiving any in return hurts, it hurts more than anyone realizes.

I say all of this as advice from the other-side; hold her hand. Brush the hair from her face. Kiss her when you leave. Take the time to show that small piece of affection that may completed turn her day around.

Being loved by someone who is proud to walk with you hand in hand is the best feeling. To know I will always have arms to fall into at the end of a bad day, means everything.


Saturday, September 16, 2017

A day worth celebrating...

You are the most incredible woman and you have forever changed the course of my life.

The day I met you, I am pretty sure there were fireworks inside my soul. My heart was yours that day and every day since then. Loving you has been the easiest thing and being loved by you is complete bliss.

You loved me when I was broken.
You loved me when my life was chaos and a wild storm.
You loved me despite the luggage I tugged along with me.

And through all the madness and turmoil we faced in the beginning, you held on through it all. You didn't waiver and you loved me still.

You are absolutely the most amazing person I have ever known...
you are my best friend...
the shoulder I cry on...
the fire within me..
the reason I smile..
the love of my life..
and the best part of every day.

You can't imagine how much I wish I could back and find you sooner so I could love you longer. But, I am grateful for every single day I get to love you and be yours. You are everything I always knew love should be. You are my happiness. So today,  I am celebrating because 32 years ago today was one of the best days of my life, you were put on this earth. You are my reason for existing and I look forward to the rest of our lives and every single birthday with you. Happy birthday beautiful, there is no one who has ever been loved like I love you and I will show you as long as I walk this earth.





Thursday, September 14, 2017

Acceptance


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Growing up in a southern town I don't think I met a single solitary gay person until I was an adult. There were people who later came out as an adult that I knew in high school but, being raised in a very christian community didn't lend itself to very much self discovery.

I remember when I first started feeling attracted to others, I remember being attracted to movie stars and musicians but I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary. Was it wrong to think Aaliyah was drop dead gorgeous if you are a little southern "straight" girl? In hindsight, probably should have tripped an alarm or two but, I had always thought of myself as being very good at recognizing beauty. I was a complete idiot.

When I thought of the future I thought about the things I was supposed to do, having a house and kids with a husband somewhere in the picture. I honestly didn't barf at the idea of marrying a man, I just knew it was what my future was supposed to look like and I was okay with that. When you were raised in a way that shields you from anything that's different it really alters your ability to think outside of the small little box that's your world. Had I met someone when I was younger who was gay or bisexual maybe there would have been bells and whistles going off and I wouldn't have been clueless for so long. Who knows? But, lucky for me I was blind for a very very long time. I met a guy who I married, had a couple of kids and that's how the story was supposed to go; only it didn't.

Now don't get me wrong, as I became an adult I started meeting gay folk and I was honestly super super curious. I have always asked questions I shouldn't and been way too open with gay boys but I think I was searching for something. I wasn't as lucky as a lot of people who say they knew when they were in 3rd grade in love with a girl on the playground. Honest to goodness, I was oblivious and just thought I was straight. I never really latched on to dudes and could date and break up with them without ever really giving it a second thought. I spent my teenage years dating and breaking up with boys as pretty as you please. I lost my virginity to a boy and my thoughts were "is this it?" Sadly, that thought never really ever went away as years went on. I will spare you the details, but I have explored my sexuality with a dude and just kept thinking, isn't there more? Well I find out there is, just not for me and the male species. Oops.

I just blame it all on being naive and really clueless about myself. I never had an opportunity to peer through someone else's eyes and realize that I didn't feel the way I should. Given, I had an extremely bad marriage and spent a lot of years with someone who was not the nicest person to put it kindly; but now I know it wouldn't have mattered. I could have been with Prince effing Charming and it wouldn't have mattered. I have been playing on the wrong team all this time. Completely clueless.

Fast forward through high school with a little teenage promiscuity and college and with a few drunken nights then, on through adulthood I just was pretty blindly floating through my life. I knew I was different, always knew that. I never really knew in what way specifically but, let me tell you my ex thought having a wife who loved looking at women as much as he did was the bees knees. What guy wouldn't want to have a wife who let them look because hell, she was looking to. Being able to be openly attracted to women as an adult was a nice bonus and it continued for years without consequence; then shit got real. We moved and met a couple of lesbians who we started spending oodles of time with. Uh oh. I started realizing finally that me looking at women was more than just an admiration of beauty. Finally I started gaining a bit of clarity, the quintessential late bloomer. That's when my world turned upside down.

Meeting Jackie was the light bulb moment in my life. I cannot even put into words what meeting her did to me. I started to realize what I had been missing in my life all this time, it was terrifying. It was also the most exciting and for her to be the most amazing woman was extraordinary.

For so long I had been thinking that this is all there was. I really thought I just was not going to ever be satisfied and always searching for something. I would have never in a million years thought my sexuality was the reason for my restlessness. I didn't  know sexuality really even mattered. Now I know it's the difference between living a numb and passionless existence and being deliriously happy. That's pretty significant.

The only problem was I didn't know what in the blue hell I was going to tell everyone back home who knew me as this straight married mother of two; what would they think? What was I going to say? Problem solved; my ass hole of an ex husband decided he would do it for me. A phone call to my parents later he pulled the biggest dick move imaginable, he called my parents and outed me. I think the two conversations I had that day were probably some of the hardest conversations I had with my parents. I can't imagine on their end what it was like but for me it was torture. How do you even begin? I think the conversations I had with them that day still replays on occasion. I remember my dad telling me what a big pill this was to swallow and my mom having a complete meltdown on me and all I was thinking was will this storm ever pass? Will things ever be OK again? The answer in my life was yes, thankfully. I know not everyone else who comes out is that lucky and I know it is something that happens differently for everyone but it's a pretty significant moment in your life. It's one I won't forget. Lucky for me, I had two very southern and christian parents who were able to embrace me and accept something they knew nothing about. I was pretty fortunate and really loved.

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Thursday, September 7, 2017

Wife Life

I have a wife.

One sentence I honestly thought I would never say. I will admit, saying it makes me giggle in a school girl kind of way. I love it. I love having a wife and being a wife. Having been previously married to a dude, I have fantastic perspective on how gay marriage and straight marriage works and I have to tell ya, having a wife is the bees knees. Here are just a few of the perks...

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We both wear the "pants". I am usually in yoga's which is questionable if that counts but, we both usually wear pants. Honestly there is no fight over who is in control or who makes decisions. Most of the time neither of us want to make the decisions, instead we usually decide together like a legitimate partnership. Pretty awesome.

We don't have stereotypical roles. I don't do the "man" chores around the house, and neither does she; because there are no "man chores". We both mow grass and weed eat and do laundry.

I can be big spoon. Usually though, little spoon is my jam, but the option is there.

There are no pregnancy scares. Just not an issue.

Cuddling is welcome. After a long shit day it is wonderful to come home to a wife who just wants to wrap her arms around you and make everything better. Works every time.

There are two chefs at home. Not having to always eat what I cook is fantastic. I will freely admit she is a better cook and my favorite thing on the menu is anything we cook together because sharing the kitchen with her is pretty awesome.

Built in best friend. I can honestly say my wife is my very best friend. She is the first person I want to tell good and bad news to and she is the most fun to hang out with.She is my biggest supporter and I know she's always there to catch me when I fall. The BEST best friend.

My hoodie collection doubled. Having a wife with awesome hoodies is a pretty big bonus. I think I probably wear hers more than I do mine.

Sex is better. Enough said.

I am not knocking dudes completely. Promise. I am also not trying to get every woman to switch teams even though I have to say this team is waaaay better.

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